Candid Conversations Newsletter: The Slow Work of Alignment

I was never one to make New Year’s resolutions. In fact, I’ve always treated my birthday as my true new year. That’s the moment I pause to reflect, to measure what I set out to do, and to acknowledge how much, or how little, I’ve achieved. It’s often a time I choose solitude. Sometimes that looks like a solo trip. Other times it’s simply sitting in silence.

But as this new year begins to take shape, I feel an urge to set a few intentions. Small anchors of alignment. For me, alignment means finding a rhythm that works with who I am. Yes, I want to stretch myself. But not with lofty goals that set me up to fail within a month. I want goals that nudge me forward, that stretch me gently beyond my current threshold.

The idea is simple: become someone slightly more capable than who I am today.

Brought Forward 🧾

Last year I came across a few people, thinkers, writers, and researchers whose work shifted my perspective. Their books, interviews, and ideas added depth and clarity to how I see the world. So maybe this year’s goal is simply to read that book. Attend that conference. Have that conversation.

Not the extreme version of transformation we often romanticize, like losing 30 pounds in 30 days after years of not working out. Maybe it’s as gentle as drinking more water. Or slowly weaning myself off coffee. Sustainable. Human. Real.

This new year, like no other  before it, has me reflective. I find myself looking back at the years behind me and ahead to the years that remain, and all the living that exists in the space between. I’m older now. And if I’m older, then so are my children, and so are my parents. Age brings fragility with it. There’s a saying: once a man, twice a child. I feel the truth of that more these days.

The Age of Violence 🥷🏾

A few years ago, I remember going to happy hour to celebrate a colleague’s 42nd birthday. We were having fun as usual when I saw my next-door neighbor and invited him over. I introduced him and mentioned that it was my colleague’s 42nd. My neighbor laughed and said, “Forty-two? Wow, you’re old.”

I didn’t think anything of it, but my colleague did. His face turned red, and he became instantly angry, almost to the point of violence. I had never seen someone react so strongly to being called old.

It was only later that I understood. It wasn’t the word itself. It was what getting older represented.

Some people live for the destination. Others live in the journey. I choose the journey. And the journey of a thousand miles still begins with one step. Truthfully, that first step is the only one we ever really control.

For some, that first step is simply getting out of bed in the mornings.

For others, it’s learning how to say no.

And sometimes, it’s finally learning when to say yes.

For many of us, wisdom is found in simply knowing the difference.

New Beginnings 🕛

As this year unfolds, let’s remember that we are each given the same 24 hours every day. Let’s challenge ourselves to use them well. And while we’re doing that, let’s also find those quiet spaces in between, to pause, to breathe, and to simply be.

Whichever way this year lands, it will add to my story. And if nothing else, I’ll work on being a better storyteller. Because part of telling the story is learning to know myself a little more.

A Personal Inventory ✔️

“Know thyself” is a simple line with complicated work behind it. It isn’t about fixing who we are. It isn’t about chasing perfection or becoming someone completely different. It is the slow and honest act of paying attention.

It is noticing the quiet patterns in our days.

What gives us energy.

What silently drains us.

Where we feel at home.

Where we shrink.

It is asking quiet questions without rushing the answers.

Who have I become?

Who am I becoming?

What do I truly value?

What do I need more of?

And what do I need to let go?

Sometimes the answers whisper. Sometimes they arrive through experience. And sometimes life repeats the lesson until we finally sit still long enough to hear it.

Knowing myself also means accepting that I am a work in progress. I will get it right some days. Other days I will stumble. Growth is rarely loud. Often it shows up in the smallest decisions: choosing rest instead of running, choosing honesty instead of performance, choosing presence instead of distraction.

Maybe this year is not about becoming someone new.

Maybe it is about returning to the core of who we have always been.

And in that still place, alignment becomes less about striving and more about listening, yielding to the body, to the heart, to the intuition that has been speaking all along. The more I know myself, the more compassion I find. And the more compassion I find, the more capacity I have to move through the world with grace and curiosity.

If there is any resolution at all, perhaps it is this:

To keep learning yourself.

To keep choosing awareness over autopilot.

To keep honoring the journey, one step at a time.

Because knowing thyself is not a destination.

It is a lifelong conversation. One that invites us to live in peace, not rest in peace.

Until such time, Happy New Year. 🥂

As this year takes shape, may you find your own cadence, your own groove. And if nothing else, may you learn a little more about yourself along the way, something that adds depth to your story.